CONFESSION: Same-Sex Attraction

Dear All,
I really Have A problem I need to Share. I cannot Keep to myself. I am a 38 yr old male , a worship -leader. It breaks my heart to talk about this. But today I have the courage to confess to you  my Problem. I have same- sex attraction  , which caused me to stick on pornography. Just to watch other naked man. ( I know this is wrong and dirty ). I  have never  been sexually active with a man , ( but in my mind I have  many times ). Nobody knows this. Some ladies in my church are very much attracted to me. But I  remain silent  and they think I play Hard to get or just play with their heart and finally break it. I am very much aware that I sin against God and this is an abomination in His Eyes And homosexuals will not enter His Kingdom. However I cannot fight this giant of same-sex attraction. I have cried and cried and cried much and much. Since My Youth I am Struggling , But How…Too afraid to share this with anyone. You are the first to read this. I really want to get married and start a family with my wife  But I just can't ...
What Must I do? I have a succesful job And really want to worship God. Sometimes ( or often ) I feel dirty While leading a worship service because I know  I am not worthy of standing after a pulpit. I really don't wanna let go of Jesus but this giant seems to wanna keep me away from experiencing real joy and love. Is there any hope for me ??
 
Should I stop leading  worship-services unless I am totally delivered? I often ran away from partaking the Lord's Supper , because I am afraid I can die ...Pls help me
 
I have heard one of your songs  ( I am changed and I cry Holy ) and it causes me to cry
and put the finger on my weak spot....PLs answer me

I have been praying over and over asking God to deliver me and still nothing Happened. How I can I be the man God wants me to Be I so do my best to act masculine  and walk masculine and portray a rough face but inside I'm just a little scared boy. Pls help me. How I can be changed? I told myself today  I don't wanna believe a lie anymore and go right into the Light and yet I'm scared I cannot hold on. Pls help me

GOD’S WORD SAYS:
No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 NASB

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as {we are, yet} without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:14-16 NASB

God’s Word is true, brother. He has a way of escape for you. We suggest you not fight this giant alone. Look into the resources available to you at www.exodusinternational.org as well. You will also find encouragement by reading the books “This is My Destiny”,  “Giant Killer” and “Victim to Victor” by Dennis Jernigan. Another wonderful resource is the book “God’s Grace and the Homosexual Next Door” by Alan Chambers. You ask many questions that require in-depth answers that are best served by sharing this burden with a real person (or persons) who can help you walk through the defeat of this giant. John 8:32 tells us that we will know the truth and the truth will set us free. We do not get to the truth until we get honest. You have taken this step with us…but now you will need to share your burden with someone who can help you right where you are. Exodus International can help you find counseling near you in many cases. There is also phone counseling available to you. Do not allow the enemy to keep you from getting the help you need. Please let us know what the Lord leads you to do.